Can't Sleep
by Lasympathetique
Summary: Something about tonight leaves Ciel sleepless.


There was nothing but blackness as Ciel stared up at the ceiling above him. No milky moon filtered through the window, nor star sparkled in the inky night. No owls calling softly, nor wolves howling in the distance, not even the wind rustling the tree branches. There was absolute blackness and silence, such as what accompanies the dead in their caskets. Utter nothingness.

Ciel pulled the thick comforter up to his neck, leaving only his head exposed under the blankets. As his eyes searched the blank darkness above him, he knew it was to be another one of those dreaded nights. He turned over on his side and readjusted his pillow. He closed his eyes and tried to will sleep to overcome him.

But it was as though the darkness was suffocating, deafening even. It clashed in Ciel's ears like cymbals and intruded his eyes. It leaked all around him and was impossible to ignore. The darkness pressed upon Ciel in a claustrophobic way and seemed to swirl around him like an angry ocean. Drowning him in nothingness, in his own loneliness.

Ciel curled up even more tightly, drawing his knees to his chin. He squeezed his eyes shut as though fending off insomnia through sheer stubbornness. He would not call Sebastian. He would not call Sebastian. He would not call Sebastian.

The door creaked open. "Did you call, Master?"

Ciel didn't flinch, even as the cold voice punctured through the darkness. He remained still.

"Master?"

Ciel held his breath.

"I know you're awake."

He clenched his jaw.

"If you want to play this silly game, I won't entertain you. You're hardly suited to such childishness."

"Your point is flawed," Ciel responded before he could stop himself. "I am a child."

Sebastian laughed lightly, something deeply upsetting in the underbelly of it. "My apologies. I should never have overestimated you."

Ciel felt Sebastian move closer as the temperature in the room seemed to drop. He heard the light footsteps over the carpet.

"Children are afraid of the dark," Sebastian's voice was closer. "It can't touch you or hurt you. It won't follow you into the morning. And still, some find reason to fear it. I wonder why that is."

"Maybe it's not the dark they fear," Ciel answered, sounder much braver than he felt. "Maybe it's what lays hidden inside it."

Ciel could almost see the smile spread across Sebastian's face. "I suppose."

Still refusing to turn over, Ciel nestled deeper beneath the covers. He loved the way the heat swallowed him whole, making him seem even smaller and cozier. And yet, despite the swelling warmth, a chill still ran through him. Something stirred deeply within him, unsettling.

"Shall I light the fireplace? Or perhaps a candle?"

"No," Ciel answered immediately. "You shall be quiet."

His right arm was beginning to ache under the pillow. Ciel turned over, keeping his eyes shut so he wouldn't give Sebastian the satisfaction of looking at him. He nestled into his new position and tried to relax.

The minutes drudged by. It was impossible to sleep. There was too much nothingness swarming around him, making him a lost dandelion flitting through blackness. A hollow pit ached in Ciel's heart, crawling to his throat. He struggled to keep his breath calm, even as a light sweat broke out over his body. Ciel imagined walking through a serene garden, hoping he'd be lulled to sleep through the sheer boredom of the activity. It worked for a while. But sooner than Ciel could have predicted, the flowers mutated into thorny vines that snatched at his ankles and the sky went blood red. Something terrible cackled in the background all around, and two great black claws reached to consume Ciel as he struggled against the thorny vines in futility.

With a start, Ciel sat up. Just as he was on the verge of sleep, some nightmare snatched it away from him at the last moment. He cursed himself. It would be impossible to drift off now. Ciel tried to put the nightmarish thorns and bloody sky out of his mind, but the visions kept creeping back.

"Trouble sleeping? That won't do, you're meeting with the French ambassador tomorrow."

"How am I supposed to fall asleep if you keep waking me," Ciel complained, his head in his pillow. "It's your fault."

"How right you are. I suppose I'll just leave-"

"No," said Ciel suddenly. "No, no. No."

"But surely if I'm causing you to-"

"Sebastian, shut up."

Ciel shut his eyes again, but he heard Sebastian's soft footsteps draw nearer. The covers rustled and were suddenly pulled from Ciel with a hiss. Cold night air swarmed Ciel all around, giving him goosebumps. But before he could even open his mouth to protest, the thick blankets settled back over him in perfect form.

"Better?"

Ciel did not say anything.

"Shall I leave you?"

Ciel did not say anything.

"Very well, Master."

Ciel closed his eyes. He was acutely aware of the way Sebastian watched him, every part of his a gentleman save for his eyes, which shone hungrily. The dreadful chill that emanated from him, that underlying aura that this was a being that was not human, chilled Ciel to the core like an ice bath.

But the darkness was lifted for a moment as the clouds outside shifted, allowing for a glint of moonlight to come through. The suppressing sense of aloneness evaporated with it, and Ciel found himself relaxing deeper into his bed. As his eyelids grew heavy, Ciel watched Sebastian watching him, the butler's lean and noble silhouette outlined by the fleeting light. Something distinctly familiar about it came to him, a sickening and comforting notion all wrapped up into one.

He was a strange child, stronger than most and having suffered an inordinate amount of tragedy for someone of his age. But children long for what they do not have, as do many adults. And they will fight through reality to achieve any sense of retrieving what they have lost.

Through the heavy haze of sleepiness, Ciel could almost mistake Sebastian for his father.

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